Worried about things here and there

I’ve been following all of the budding controversy over Cheney’s speaking appointment at BYU’s commencement this year, both in the official news articles being circulated about it and in the explosion of debate about it online (especially on Facebook, in the various groups organized in opposition to or in support of him coming), and it’s really gotten me thinking, not just about this particular case of collision between what could easily be perceived as a mixture of religious and political interests, but about my various levels of loyalty to my God, my church and my government in general. Even though this Cheney incident doesn’t affect me personally all that directly, it brings up all the same issues about religious and political loyalties that I’ve run into before and still feel like I’m sorting out in my head. As I was reading over various people’s comments and seeing the whole Cheney debate get more and more heated, it made me really feel like sitting down and working out for myself my list of priorities in terms of my loyalties—so that’s what I ended up spending the last few hours doing.

Above all, there is my loyalty to my Heavenly Father and my Lord Jesus Christ—before I’m considered an American, a liberal, or a Democrat, I would hope that I could be thought of as someone trying to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and live as He did. And that leads directly to the LDS Church, which I wholeheartedly believe to be Christ’s church, and the Kingdom of God on earth. Through the covenants I’ve made, I profess to be willing to sacrifice anything in my life to the going forth of the work of this Church, and I hope and pray daily for the strength to do that. As a result, there is my loyalty to the leadership of the LDS Church, which I truly believe to be chosen by God, and in the case of the Prophet, President Hinckley, I truly believe him to be the mouthpiece of God on earth. I remember being touched by one time when my mission president said that he would step in front of a train if President Hinckley told him to, and I think the reason that touched me so much is because as he said it, I could feel in my heart that I wanted nothing more than to be the same way. Christ said “he that receiveth my servants receiveth me” (D&C 84:36), and I really believe that.

Second, there is my loyalty to my family. My family is the only thing that I can carry with me from this life, and the relationship I have with these people I love is sacred to me. Second only to my hope that I can live as a disciple of Christ is my hope to be able to honor the name of those who have brought me into this world and given me so much.

Third, there is my loyalty to the family of God, all throughout the world. Before looking at the peoples of the world as Americans, Brazilians, Mozambicans, Iraqis, Israelis, Chinese, Indian, Burmese, French, or whatever, I hope that I look at them as my brothers and sisters in the family of God. I hope that my loyalty to them, and my desire to do whatever I can to help promote justice and peace and happiness among any and all of them, transcends my loyalty to the country I happened to be born in.

Fourth, there is my loyalty to my country. This is easily the one I have struggled the most with—as much as I know I owe a debt to my country and the privileges it has granted me, there are so many times when I can remember feeling more shame than pride in being an American. As much as current events in my lifetime have triggered that, though, I continue to love and respect and even desire to defend the ideals upon which America was built. Ever since 9/11, when the prospect of being called upon to take up arms for my country suddenly seemed a lot more real, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering how willing I would be to do so. On the basis of my religious beliefs, I toyed with the idea of being a pacifist for a good while, and considered the possibility of petitioning for conscientious objector status if I ever were called upon to serve in the military. As I have studied out and thought hard about those same religious beliefs, though, I have felt that because of them I couldn’t turn down a call to serve my country. I know it would be really, really hard for me to deal with the ramifications of doing so (I can already imagine myself practicing to be a bad shot in basic training so as to avoid the chance of actually hitting anyone), but I really don’t think that I could feel right with myself if I weren’t willing to defend and possibly give my life in thanks to a country that has given me so much. And I know that if my family were ever in real harm, I could never sit by and let them be hurt without standing up to defend them.

This may seem to be coming out of nowhere, but every time something like this Cheney situation comes up, where I’m forced to sit down and think about where my loyalties lie in terms of God (and church) and country, it bothers me when I feel uncertainty in myself, when I end up wondering where my loyalties do lie. It gives me peace to think these things out, as much as the particular solutions in each situation are never easy to pin down—which is why, as much as I sincerely consider Cheney to represent the worst of what America offers to the world, I still don’t really know what specific course of action I would choose to act on those convictions if I were still at BYU right now.

There’s also enough going on around here to keep one from feeling like there’s lots of time to think about problems so far away—on Thursday some old Soviet arms kept in storage in Maputo since the civil war days exploded, killing 93 people (or at least that’s the count so far, there’s 300ish wounded, and with Mozambique’s medical capacities the number of dead will probably keep rising). Even though Maputo’s a day’s drive away, that feels very close to home. For whoever read this, please include the victims in your prayers.