As I was sitting and doing some gospel study in Mungassa today (one of our communities), I was reminded of another visiting day in Mbatwe, when I was studying the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife, and while I was Celestino came up to me and asked me what I was doing. When I told him, he asked me to tell him the story I was studying, and so I talked to him a bit about the story and about the principles it teaches of chastity and self-control. I remember him smiling as I did so, and feeling like I’d really communicated something.
It was a nice memory to have in that moment, because all morning I’d been thinking over the Family Preservation Program in my mind, and wondering if this program that I’ve invested a lot of my own energy in really is making a positive difference in the lives of the people in these communities, or if it’s worthwhile in the long run. I’m not sure—because a lot of the things I’ve seen when following up with community members and talking to them seem to indicate that most people are still only changing their behavior because of the incentives they’re receiving, and I’m worried that that behavioral change won’t continue past the time we’re in these communities. I’m worried about the possible negative effects when we pull out after three years. I’ve spent hours worrying about all of these things before, but I think especially as I get close to leaving, I’ve started wondering a lot more reflectively whether this was a project I should have gotten involved with or not. There’s no denying some of the positive effects of what we’re doing, especially the part I’ve been working with most directly, the community classes being taught—there’s no denying that people are learning things in those classes that they might not have known otherwise. But there’s also no way of knowing yet whether the bigger changes we’re seeing now thanks to the program as a whole will be sustainable in the long term. And a lot of anecdotal evidence I’m seeing makes me doubt that it will be.
There’s also no denying the fact that this has been an amazing experience, and that I’ve learned a ton—lots of practical experience working with NGOs, lots of experience training and teaching, lots more experience writing lesson plans and planning out classes and teaching moments, lots of organizational experience as I’ve been Care For Life’s monkey boy. Not to mention all the wonderful experiences I’ve had in the church here, in my calling and in home teaching visits and in other things. And even more so, there are the relationships that I’ve developed with people that I consider dear friends and near-family. But I really don’t feel like my own personal experiences and benefits are enough to say my time here has been worthwhile or not—my purpose for being here is to help Care For Life’s efforts to empower people to change their own lives, and I’m not sure whether I’ve done that. There are so many aspects of the way Care For Life does their work that I absolutely don’t agree with, and that’s made me wonder about the worthwhileness of what I’ve done for them—it’s made me wonder if I’ll ever be completely happy with any development work that I might do that I don’t organize myself. In the end, I’m still not sure—I know I’ve loved my time here, but I’m still not sure if I’ve done all that I could have done to help people here.
As I was thinking about all this sitting in the Mungassa community center, waiting for classes to start, a few things happened that reminded me of what I love about this place, though—first there were a few little kids that came in and started showing off to me, dancing a dance they’re dancing in the children’s club here and singing a few of the children’s club’s songs. Then Chimica, one of my good friends and one of the local leaders in Mungassa, came over to where I was sitting, handing me a few tangerines and sitting down next to me. We sat and chatted and ate tangerines for about a half hour—mainly about buildings in the
3 comments:
Wow Rolf, some good stuff in this post. I've spent a lot of time thinking (and also talking with you at various points) about many things you bring up here. It's nice to see the articulated so well. I like this blog.
Yeah, um...what she said. :)
Wonderful encapsulation of all the ambivalence many of us feel about development projects. In nicely accessible personal terms. Blogging becomes you, Rolf. Keep it up and think about writing at other levels, too.
Don't underestimate the sheer value of what you are learning and the value of your own presence and interaction with people there. That is worth a lot even if many aspects of the project itself don't succeed at their intended purposes. Most of what I worked at in the foreign service was objectively of little value, but I think the personal and interpersonal part was worth the money and time spent.
It also gives you great (and highly educational) stories to tell ;<)
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